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" If I gave a damn what other people think of me, I would be more like other people. "

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" Silence is a statement that is open to gross misinterpretation. "

" If the shoe fits, it is probably worn out. "

" When you talk to yourself, at least you know that someone is listening. "

" It's hardware that makes a machine fast. It's software that makes a fast machine slow. "

" Fighting a war on terrorism is like fighting against crime. We can never hope to eradicate crime, so we shouldn't bother fighting it. "

" The only thing that is obscene is censorship. "

" You usually have to wait for that which is worth waiting for. "

" I think; therefore, I am the center of the universe. "

" Why are people unemployed? Because there is no work. Why is there no work? Because people are not buying products and services. Why are people not buying products and services? Because they have no money. Why do people have no money? Because they are unemployed. "

" Organizations like the ACLU fought and won the good fight back in the 1960's, but it's clear that nowadays they've run out of useful things to do since they now spend most of their time defending the scum of the Earth from getting what they rightly deserve. "

" Temporary solutions often become permanent problems. "

" Never question the relevance of truth, but always question the truth of relevance. "

" Live every day as if it is your last, and you'll be correct sooner than you otherwise would be. "

" Supermarket automatic doors open for me; therefore, I am. "

" Things always look better when you haven't seen them. "

" Don't trust anyone who has been in school for the past 24 consecutive years. "

" When shooting in the dark, it is a good idea to use a machine gun. "

" Liberalism is financed by the dividends from Conservatism. "

" The difference between being able to understand something and inventing it in the first place... is called genius. "

" It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals. "

" The people who actually do things always suffer the slings and arrows of those who don't. "

" The entire universe is working against me. I can't believe the entire universe could be that foolish! "

" Yeah, computers are going to take over the programming business because they have become so fast recently that they can solve the Halting Problem in five seconds flat. "

" From each according to his ability, to each according to his ability. "

" Time is a resource whose supply is inversely proportional to its demand. "

" Now is the time for all good men to run like hell. "

" I wonder if those people shown protesting the deployment of nuclear weapons to western Europe during the Reagan era are feeling appropriately stupid today. 'Please don't take away our precious Soviet Union! - We demand the annihilation of all life on Earth!' "

" 1 + 1 = 2. Everything else is derived. "

Everything Else

" Think Tank, noun: The shower. "

" Something is always simple until you try it. "