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" Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago. "
H. L. Mencken
Die
Long
Man
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" No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man. "
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" It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "
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" When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. "
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" Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. "
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" Time stays, we go. "
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" A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "
H. L. Mencken
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" Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. "
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" God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. "
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" For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. "
H. L. Mencken
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Simple
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" There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good. "
H. L. Mencken
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May
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" I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant. "
H. L. Mencken
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" For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end. "
H. L. Mencken
Friends
End
Trust
" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "
H. L. Mencken
Man
Place
Lie
" Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 % of them are wrong. "
H. L. Mencken
Wrong
Human
Morality
" To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess. "
H. L. Mencken
Woman
Goddess
Love
" The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. "
H. L. Mencken
Animal
Other
Seems
" The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. "
H. L. Mencken
Moral
Honor
Difference
" Life is a dead-end street. "
H. L. Mencken
Life
Dead-End
Street
" On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. "
H. L. Mencken
Reach
White
Heart
" One of the most mawkish of human delusions is the notion that friendship should be eternal, or, at all events, life-long, and that any act which puts a term to it is somehow discreditable. "
H. L. Mencken
Most
Human
Friendship
" Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. "
H. L. Mencken
Life Is A
Sharp
Constant
" For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. "
H. L. Mencken
Centuries
Explaining
Theologians
" If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish. "
H. L. Mencken
Deal
Foolish
Good
" Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing. "
H. L. Mencken
Effort
Explain
Knowing
" A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. "
H. L. Mencken
Fool
May
He
" A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. "
H. L. Mencken
Quite
Politician
Honest
" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? "
H. L. Mencken
Marriage
Funny
Live
" Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. "
H. L. Mencken
Unsuccessful
History
Historian
" The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral. "
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Cathedral
House
Music
" It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. "
H. L. Mencken
Hate
Common Sense
Me