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" A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. "

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" In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one. "

" Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. "

" In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. "

" Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on. "

" One of the most mawkish of human delusions is the notion that friendship should be eternal, or, at all events, life-long, and that any act which puts a term to it is somehow discreditable. "

" Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other's speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in. "

" Time stays, we go. "

" Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age. "

" It is not materialism that is the chief curse of the world, as pastors teach, but idealism. Men get into trouble by taking their visions and hallucinations too seriously. "

" Criticism is prejudice made plausible. "

" Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good. "

" A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. "

" War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands. "

" I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. "

" Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage. "

" Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband. "

" If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. "

" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "

" Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. "

" No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. "

" The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore. "

" Honor is simply the morality of superior men. "

" Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies. "

" I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing. "

" Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. "

" Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates. "

" I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine. "

" Every man is his own hell. "

" To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! "

" Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse. "