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" The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. "

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" All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. "

" Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience. "

" Life is a dead-end street. "

" I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. "

" Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love. "

" A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. "

" The only really happy folk are married women and single men. "

" For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. "

" Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband. "

" The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable. "

" Criticism is prejudice made plausible. "

" To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! "

" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. "

" Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. "

" A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents. "

" Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. "

" A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. "

" For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end. "

" Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other's speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in. "

" Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest. "

" Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 % of them are wrong. "

" A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. "

" Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. "

" Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse. "

" One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring. "

" No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man. "

" No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. "

" Time stays, we go. "

" Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. "