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" Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. "
Henry Kissinger
Thought
Funny
Only
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" No country can act wisely simultaneously in every part of the globe at every moment of time. "
Henry Kissinger
Globe
Country
Act
" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "
David Letterman
Talk
Sing
Dance
" Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable. "
Tom DeLonge
Feel
Funny
Humor
" I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers. "
Steve Martin
Professional
Fact
Best
" The statesman's duty is to bridge the gap between his nation's experience and his vision. "
Henry Kissinger
Experience
Nation
Duty
" You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people. "
Donald Trump
Funny
You
Rich
" I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously. "
Cardi B
Music
Person
Take
" So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. "
Joseph Bologna
Funny
Day
Texas
" To all the girls out there who think being funny is not sexy, you are wrong! "
Chad Michael Murray
Sexy
You
Wrong
" I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. "
Ellen DeGeneres
Cut
Think
I Think
" Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons. "
Michael Caine
You
Silly
Things Happen
" What is scary to me is silly to somebody else. CG isn't scary to me. It's like comedy - comedy and horror are quite similar, in that there'll always be somebody who'll say, 'I don't think that was funny.' And it's the same with things that are meant to be scary. "
Guillermo del Toro
Think
Comedy
Horror
" I'm not a fussy eater, but when I'm travelling, I try to stick to the same regime and just have my chicken and my mash and broccoli. Otherwise, you start eating all these funny delicacies, and it makes your tummy turn upside down. "
Ella Henderson
You
Eating
Start
" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "
Josh Billings
Together
Funny
Power
" It's funny: I always, as a high school teacher and particularly as a high school yearbook teacher, because yearbook staffs are 90 percent female, I got to sit in and overhear teenage girl talk for many years. I like teenage girls; I like their drama, their foibles. And I think, 'I'll be good with a teenage daughter!' "
Rob Thomas
Good
Girl
Teacher
" I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. "
Charles M. Schulz
Funny
People
Love
" It's funny how seeing a love story never gets boring, because it's the dream, isn't it? It's the dream to have a true connection with another human being. "
Felicity Jones
Connection
Dream
Funny
" Every dogma has its day. "
Anthony Burgess
Every
Funny
Dogma
" I am being frank about myself in this book. I tell of my first mistake on page 850. "
Henry Kissinger
Mistake
Page
Myself
" I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. "
Billy Connolly
You
Angel
Believe
" I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. "
Bob Hope
Washington
Love
Money
" I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. "
Walt Disney
Woman
More
Mickey Mouse
" When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny. "
Mo Rocca
Dying
War
People
" I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair. "
Bette Davis
Kiss
Washed
Ya
" I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican. "
Marion Barry
Funny
Republican
Slavery
" Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax. "
Charles Kettering
One Thing
Tax
Funny
" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "
Robin Williams
Call
Funny
Moves
" If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. "
Theodore Roosevelt
Trouble
Funny
Month
" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "
Rita Rudner
Started
Funny
Sunlight
" It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it. "
Mike Rowe
Bad
Business
Funny