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" Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. "

Henry Kissinger

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Henry Kissinger

" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "

David Letterman

" Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable. "

" I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers. "

" The statesman's duty is to bridge the gap between his nation's experience and his vision. "

Henry Kissinger

" You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people. "

" I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously. "

" So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. "

" To all the girls out there who think being funny is not sexy, you are wrong! "

Chad Michael Murray

" I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons. "

" What is scary to me is silly to somebody else. CG isn't scary to me. It's like comedy - comedy and horror are quite similar, in that there'll always be somebody who'll say, 'I don't think that was funny.' And it's the same with things that are meant to be scary. "

Guillermo del Toro

" I'm not a fussy eater, but when I'm travelling, I try to stick to the same regime and just have my chicken and my mash and broccoli. Otherwise, you start eating all these funny delicacies, and it makes your tummy turn upside down. "

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" It's funny: I always, as a high school teacher and particularly as a high school yearbook teacher, because yearbook staffs are 90 percent female, I got to sit in and overhear teenage girl talk for many years. I like teenage girls; I like their drama, their foibles. And I think, 'I'll be good with a teenage daughter!' "

" I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. "

Charles M. Schulz

" It's funny how seeing a love story never gets boring, because it's the dream, isn't it? It's the dream to have a true connection with another human being. "

" Every dogma has its day. "

Anthony Burgess

" I am being frank about myself in this book. I tell of my first mistake on page 850. "

Henry Kissinger

" I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. "

" I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. "

" I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. "

" When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny. "

" I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair. "

" I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican. "

" Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax. "

Charles Kettering

" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "

" If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. "

Theodore Roosevelt

" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "

" It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it. "