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" I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously. "

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" When I'm funny is when I'm angriest. "

" Men are only as loyal as their options. "

" Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. "

" When women come up to me like, 'I am a freaking senator,' or, 'I'm a doctor,' it's like, 'Damn, y'all like me? I look up to y'all!' "

" It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. "

Adlai E. Stevenson

" I feel beautiful without makeup on, but when I do put makeup on, it just gives me this extra pop. "

" There's a fine line between angry and grumpy. Angry isn't nice, but grumpy is funny. "

" If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify. "

Seth MacFarlane

" Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing. "

" You can't be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That's just hysterically funny. "

" I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. "

Hillary Clinton

" I never looked at myself as the fat sister. Sometimes I would beat people to the punch and say, 'Oh I'm the fat, funny one,' because that's what people would say about me. But I never really thought that. "

Khloe Kardashian

" I yam who I yam; I'm not somebody, like, standard. "

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. "

" The tour bus is always fun, and there's plenty of time to watch movies. Actually, Kanye introduced me to the movie 'Step Brothers.' We were sitting there, watching it and clowning around - it was so funny, man. "

" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "

" I try to be funny and not ignorant. "

" As a comedian, I don't know if they're laughing because it's funny or if they're laughing at me because I'm not funny. And I'm thinking, 'Who cares? They're laughing.' If you go on stage, and they're laughing at you full-on for 60 minutes? You know, whatever puts them in the seats. "

Larry the Cable Guy

" One man's folly is another man's wife. "

" I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits. "

" Personally, I feel like I'm trying to redefine what a really good rapper can be like. Like, I think it's not often where a good rapper can be making funny music. "

" I'm surprised Beyonce liked me. I met Beyonce! "

" Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just suggested that inviting close friends over to share a meal with candlelight and wine at your table could be a form of religious experience for some people. To me it's a form of sacrament. "

" To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is. "

Misunderstanding

" I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it. "

" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "

Terry Pratchett

" I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. "

" I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference. "

" What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny. "