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" Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have. "

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" Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there. "

" I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one. "

" There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail. "

" Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. "

" There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. "

" The United States never lost a war or won a conference. "

" If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. "

" The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got. "

" Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans. "

" Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far. "

" What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds. "

" It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so. "

" Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth. "

" A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you. "

" Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week. "

" The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it. "

" Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate? "

" A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries. "

" People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument. "

" Things ain't what they used to be and never were. "

" Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like. "

" One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials. "

" Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches. "

" Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth. "

" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "

" Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. "

" Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it. "

" If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them. "

" You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is. "

" When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur. "