Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Girls were scared of me because I can be loud. Barbara, my wife of 51 years, is very low-key. She was my picture agent's secretary. "

Related Quotes:

" The average person pushes an elevator button 6 or 7 minutes before realizing it's not working. I did a study on this, you know. "

" My whole act is off the top of my head. "

" I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate. "

" I never went out looking for glory. "

" I still have drive, but everything is relative. "

" I like to think I'm like the guy who goes to the office Christmas party Friday night, insults some people, but still has his job Monday morning. "

" Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. "

" No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you. "

" I don't like to compare myself with anybody. "

" My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head. "

" I was a mother's boy. "

" I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat. "

" When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last. "

" I do situations and make fun of authority and life. "

" I didn't get married until I was 38. "

" You know what's funny to me? Attitude. "

" Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it. "

" I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke. "

" The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island. "

" They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. "

" Johnny Carson was king of the kings, in my opinion. "

" My father was an insurance man and a small-time gambler. He was a good man, but he had an eye for the racehorses, and I saw how it used to bother my mother. I've never gambled a dime. Never, in all those years in Vegas. "

" I'm a New Yorker, originally. I was raised in Jackson Heights. I went to P.S. 148 and then Newtown High School. If World War II didn't come, I'd still be there in school. World War II saved me. "

" I shouldn't make fun of the blacks: President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke. "

" I was 28 when my father died, and I was an only child. "

" To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic. "

" I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me. "

" The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now. "

" Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend! "

" Johnny Carson was a big influence on me - all of those shows I did with him over the years, like, 100 of them, they made a bit of a name for me at the time, so that part of my life was very good. "