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" My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. "

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" I love cats. "

Dick Van Patten

" I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.' "

" I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same. "

" To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. "

" I am a pet person. My dog actually lives in Georgia now. But I work with animal trainers and pets quite often. I also volunteer at different places like animal shelters. It's good to be around pets. They kind of put things into perspective. They're easygoing, loyal, and they seem to get it, even when humans don't. "

" Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. "

" When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' "

" Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many different ailments, but I have never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. "

Joseph Wood Krutch

" It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young. "

" I heard that Jesus had a pet dinosaur. Evolution must be a myth then. "

" A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. "

" I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it. "

" If you're trying to cut down the distance travelled from the farm to your plate, it makes sense to do the same for your pet. If we all shifted our bias towards sustainable pet food, we would be helping more than just our faithful friends. "

Sheherazade Goldsmith

" If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. "

Alfred North Whitehead

" So, do you live around here often? "

" You know what I hate? I hate people who give me plants. The whole giving someone plants - it's like giving someone a pet. I'm giving you responsibility, I'm giving you a thing that you now have to take care of for, like, a year until it dies, and then I'm giving you sadness and guilt. "

" I got a pet monkey called Charlie Chan. "

" Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms. "

" I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. "

Karl Pilkington

" We wanted a pet food based on sound scientific principles and truth, not marketing hype. "

Dick Van Patten

" I think there's something great and generic about goldfish. They're everybody's first pet. "

" People buy a cat and think, 'Oh that's a beautiful collar. I'll put that on,' but that doesn't make them a responsible pet owner. "

" Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.' "

" I do have the most adorable little Chihuahua mix. I adopted him about 3 1/2 years ago from Much Love pet adoption, and he has been the love of my life ever since. His name is Beau, or as my sister and I like to call him ' mushy mush' because he truly is just a pile of loving mush that just melts in your arms. "

" If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? "

" Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. "

" Whales are killed today to supply the limited demand for whale meat or to be used in pet foods or as fodder for fur-bearing animals used in the fur trade. "

" Like all pure creatures, cats are practical. "

William S. Burroughs

" At one point he decided enough was enough. "

" My college friends call me Karu, which is the worst. Only in our country can we make a short form for a short name. But otherwise, I've never had a pet name all my life. But now, in official meetings, someone will call me KJo. And I'll judge that person in my head. Just call me Karan. "