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" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "
Fred Allen
People
Like
Long
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" I really love showing up at work at 10 A.M., trying to make it funny until 3 P.M., and then going home. It's like comedy bankers' hours. "
Chris Eigeman
Work
Going Home
Home
" I was always good at being observationally funny - like, contributing something funny to the conversation. "
Jon Hamm
Funny
Good
Like
" I'm probably not very funny. The scripts just don't come in, or the ones that do aren't that good. I suppose I'm just an old drama queen, really. "
Ray Winstone
Queen
Old
Just
" The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking. "
Agyness Deyn
Character
Interesting
Man
" I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. "
Arthur Conan Doyle
Empty
You
Man
" It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are. "
Matt Lauer
People
Two People
Learn
" There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. "
Dennis Miller
Being
Funny
You
" I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. "
Steven Wright
Book
Writing
Numbers
" I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. "
Karan Patel
Life
I Am
Enjoy Life
" I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. "
Howard Nemerov
Easier
Funny
Talk
" Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands. "
Jerry Lewis
Hands
Man
Funny
" It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. "
Fred Allen
World
Achievement
Go
" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "
George Lopez
Relative
Funny
Nice
" To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. "
Reba McEntire
Three
Need
Succeed
" Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Important
More
Cleanliness
" Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. "
Hedy Lamarr
Look
Girl
Funny
" I own and operate a ferocious ego. "
Bill Moyers
Funny
Ferocious
Ego
" Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "
George Carlin
Belief
You
Soul
" Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. "
Jules Renard
More
You
Laziness
" If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. If he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be screaming. Then I would say be patient with people who are negative, because they're really having a hard time. "
Michael J. Fox
People
Say
Time
" I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. "
Samuel Goldwyn
Write
Think
Funny
" You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am. "
Rush Limbaugh
Know
Funny
You
" Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot. "
Justin Bieber
Kind
Hot
Funny
" Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. "
Peter Ustinov
Comedy
Way
Serious
" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "
Barbara Corcoran
Funny
Back
Back Up
" And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me. "
Drew Brees
Me
Best
Look
" It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. "
Chuck Palahniuk
Women
Think
Always
" I didn't understand key signatures or anything, you know. I'd say silly things at the top of a trumpet part like, 'Note, when you play B naturals, make the B naturals a half step lower because they sound funny if they're B naturals.' And some guy said: 'Idiot, just put a flat on the third line and it's a key signature, you know?' "
Quincy Jones
Step
You
Play
" I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business. "
Jeff Dunham
Learn
Think
People
" I like children - fried. "
W. C. Fields
Like
Children
Fried