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" Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle murrain, and turning the Nile to blood and smiting the firstborn, give me a pass. And tell me when it's over. "

Related Quotes:

" Medical researchers don't know much about head lice because they don't much care. The reason that they don't much care is, paradoxically, that they know a lot. That is, they know one important thing: there is no evidence that head lice transmit disease. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Know

Important

Medical

" Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere. "

" A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too. "

" The laws of the marketplace are physical laws, and they don't become suspended in a crisis any more than the law of gravity does. "

" Crazy old people are our entire source of polling information. "

" If you talk to most businessmen, they'll say that what they do is for the public good, but you know they're just greedy, and consumers are just consuming for the sake of their own greed. "

" The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it. "

" Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, because they don't read 'The Theory of Moral Sentiments.' "

" Californians are people who insist on growing their own vegetables, but they won't dig up the pretty lawn, won't plant anything for fear of getting dirty, and they use fragrant bath salts from The Body Shop instead of smelly compost. "

" Moviemakers are rewarded with tax write-offs if, when seeking a location that looks like America, they seek it in America. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Location

America

" Freedom is not empowerment. Empowerment is what the Serbs have in Bosnia. Anybody can grab a gun and be empowered. "

" Politicians will talk strategy and tactics and policies and programs until they're blue in the face, or you strangle them and they turn blue. "

" I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now. "

" Ending wars is very simple if you surrender. "

" In the Soviet Union, no industry went under until they all did. "

" Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. "

" Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Important

Cleanliness

" Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life. "

" Jeans fit the mature male one of two ways, both dirigible in nature. You make a public impression that's either Hindenburg or Goodyear blimp. "

" A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It's a promissory note that doesn't actually promise anything. It's not backed by gold or silver. "

" Why is Iraq so easy to harm and so hard to help? "

" Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading. "

" I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a 'learning experience.' It makes me feel less stupid. "

" Maybe the real secret to America's greatness is that we hate one another. "

" Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware. "

" The subculture of felons is in great vogue among adolescents. Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, and so forth allow us Republicans to say to America's young people, 'We be thugs.' The GOP may capture the youth vote at last. "

" Only a few good leaders have paused to reflect seriously on being leaders. "

" To blame the existence of al Qaeda on poverty like Egypt's is a slur on the poor. "

" I spend my days kneeling in the muck of language, feeling around for gooey verbs, nouns, and modifiers that I can squash together to make a blob of a sentence that bears some likeness to reason and sense. "

" The whole melodrama of the Middle East would be improved if amnesia were as common here as it is in melodramatic plots. "