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" We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity - romantic love and gunpowder. "
Andre Maurois
Humanity
Love
Worst
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" Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. "
P. G. Wodehouse
Restaurant
Best
Funny
" A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day. "
Andre Maurois
Successful
Marriage
Day
" We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. "
Milton Berle
Television
Funny
Him
" I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary. "
R. L. Stine
Scary
Planned
Never
" I grew up in a funny way. "
Gordon Ramsay
Way
Up
Funny Way
" I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women. "
Louis XIV
Funny
Sooner
Than
" Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know. "
Andre Maurois
Funny
Know
Simple
" The great thing for me about 'The Resurrection of Gavin Stone' is it's a throwback to the old fashioned Hollywood movie that you can watch with your family, has a message, and is funny and entertaining. They didn't call them faith-based movies; they just called them good movies. "
D. B. Sweeney
Movies
Family
Funny
" We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes. "
Colin Mochrie
Whatever
Funny
Laugh
" Style is the hallmark of a temperament stamped upon the material at hand. "
Andre Maurois
Temperament
Style
Material
" I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty. "
Imelda Marcos
Sixty
Did
Funny
" The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions, but it's a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works, the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you. "
Chris Evans
People
Funny
Effort
" The first recipe for happiness is: avoid too lengthy meditation on the past. "
Andre Maurois
Too
Past
Meditation
" What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? "
W. Clement Stone
Scoundrel
Cork
Funny
" It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?' "
Ice Cube
Think
You
People
" The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. "
Phyllis Diller
Time
Funny
Only
" If you create an act, you create a habit. If you create a habit, you create a character. If you create a character, you create a destiny. "
Andre Maurois
Character
Create
Habit
" The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' "
Conan O'Brien
People
You
Say
" I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends. "
Steven Wright
Mirror
Funny
Think
" I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. "
Dylan Moran
Recognition
Me
Low
" The men I idolized built their bodies and became somebody - like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger - and I thought, 'That can be me.' So I started working out. The funny thing is I didn't realize back then that I was having a defining moment. "
Dwayne Johnson
Moment
Thought
Men
" Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. "
Benjamin Franklin
See
Wine
Us
" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "
Norman Wisdom
Born
Sorry
I Was Born
" I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2,000 people. "
Petra Nemcova
Speak
Audience
People
" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "
Joan Rivers
Us
God
Over
" It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. "
Robert Frost
Earth
Funny
Worry
" They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. "
Clint Eastwood
Lightning
They Say
Say
" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "
Groucho Marx
Someone
Send
Funny
" We actually found some home videos, some really funny footage of me when I was around 3 years old. I come up to the camera to do a Nixon impression. I don't know who taught me that, but I come up to the camera and said, 'I am not a crook.' I got a really good laugh. You see me register that bringing joy to people is a positive thing. "
Annaleigh Ashford
Positive
Good
I Am
" But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work. "
Robert Downey, Jr.
Think
Funny
Forget