Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M. "
Erma Bombeck
Never
One Thing
Out
Related Quotes:
" God created man, but I could do better. "
Erma Bombeck
Could
Created
God
" What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere? "
Erma Bombeck
Hair
You
Stop
" I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up. "
Erma Bombeck
Human Mind
Facts
Human
" Never order food in excess of your body weight. "
Erma Bombeck
Your Body
Body
Food
" Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. "
Erma Bombeck
School
Graduation
High School
" I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order. "
Erma Bombeck
Terrible
Die
Got
" Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. "
Erma Bombeck
Start
Suicide
Seriously
" Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? "
Erma Bombeck
Carousel
Luggage
Never
" How come anything you buy will go on sale next week? "
Erma Bombeck
Week
Anything
Go
" Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it. "
Erma Bombeck
Medical
Hospital
Club
" I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it. "
Erma Bombeck
Courage
Me
Up
" People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. "
Erma Bombeck
Wife
Care
Husband
" I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.' "
Erma Bombeck
View
Time
Raising Children
" In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television. "
Erma Bombeck
Anything
Children
Eat
" Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. "
Erma Bombeck
Up
Try
Keep
" Never have more children than you have car windows. "
Erma Bombeck
Funny
Car
Windows
" I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes. "
Erma Bombeck
Clothes
Society
Copy
" Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub. "
Erma Bombeck
Three
Dog
Strength
" I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. "
Erma Bombeck
Gravy
Where
Food
" Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. "
Erma Bombeck
Home
Know
You
" My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? "
Erma Bombeck
Fire
Door
Smell
" All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. "
Erma Bombeck
Children
White
Test
" There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it. "
Erma Bombeck
Water
Mother
Only
" I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. "
Erma Bombeck
My Life
Lunch
Life
" If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. "
Erma Bombeck
You
Laugh
Make
" It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. "
Erma Bombeck
Your Dreams
Someone
Dreams
" If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. "
Erma Bombeck
Man
Three
Watches
" Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. "
Erma Bombeck
Dreams
Dreamers
Why
" No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick. "
Erma Bombeck
Sick
Bed
Children
" Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. "
Erma Bombeck
Sometimes
Out
Design