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" I'm crazy, funny, and good looking! "

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" Comedy is only funny when there's real pain. "

" Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. "

" I never looked at myself as the fat sister. Sometimes I would beat people to the punch and say, 'Oh I'm the fat, funny one,' because that's what people would say about me. But I never really thought that. "

Khloe Kardashian

" I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends. "

" Weather forecast for tonight: dark. "

" Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. "

Abraham Lincoln

" Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. "

" I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. "

" I own and operate a ferocious ego. "

" It's funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun, and people call it entertainment! "

" My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. "

" There's a fine line between angry and grumpy. Angry isn't nice, but grumpy is funny. "

" I like doing comedy, I like doing drama. Naturally I like to do, I like doing dramas, I like conflict, and when I do a comedy, you know, I've found that, like, romantic comedy is the trickiest one, because often it's neither: it's not romantic and it's not funny. So, like, I like a comedy that's biting. It's biting humor or really quirky humor. "

" O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. "

Saint Augustine

" To be or not to be. That's not really a question. "

Jean-Luc Godard

" Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. "

" Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything! "

" I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. "

" There are so many funny women in the world, and there has been for so many years, so I'll be happy when people can just move on from that, and things can just be 'comedies' and not 'female' or 'male,' and everyone gets an equal opportunity. "

" Although I have guitars all around, and I pick them up occasionally and write a tune and make a record, I don't really see myself as a musician. It may seem a funny thing to say. It's just like, I write lyrics, and I make up songs, but I'm not a great lyricist or songwriter or producer. It's when you put all these things together - that makes me. "

George Harrison

" Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting. "

" TV is chewing gum for the eyes. "

Frank Lloyd Wright

" I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don't feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience. "

" Movies don't look hard, but figuring it out, getting the shape of it, getting everybody's character right and having it be funny, make sense and be romantic, it's creating a puzzle. Yes, having been a writer for so long, I have an awareness of when things are going awry, but it doesn't mean I know how to fix them. "

" All men are equal before fish. "

" Almost anything can be funny if said the right way - but it has to be said the right way. "

" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "

" If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. "

Tallulah Bankhead

" My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. "

Ricardo Salinas Pliego