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" 'Bridesmaids,' I think, opened up a door to allow women to show a bunch of different women in different ways of being funny. It was kind of like an arrival moment. "
Kay Cannon
Women
Think
Moment
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" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "
Henry Kissinger
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" Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. "
Oscar Levant
Blue
Red
Schizophrenic
" I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights. "
Jay London
Tonight
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Funny
" I started writing for myself because I know how to write for myself. I know how to show what I can do. "
Kay Cannon
Myself
Know
I Can
" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "
Lily Tomlin
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" Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? "
Robert Benchley
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" I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too. "
Randall Munroe
Time
Funny
Good
" I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. "
Howard Nemerov
Easier
Funny
Talk
" I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican. "
Marion Barry
Funny
Republican
Slavery
" Isn't it funny how babies laugh a lot? I read a toddler, a young child laughs 300 times a day. The average adult laughs, like, four times a day. God put it in them. He put the laugh in us, but I think sometimes we let life get us down, you know, have bad breaks, and we lose our breaks. "
Joel Osteen
God
Day
Life
" Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural. "
Shaquille O'Neal
Time
Funny
Silly
" I'm never afraid to try something if I think it's funny. And I know I'll regret it if I don't. "
Seann William Scott
Regret
Know
Think
" There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity. "
Vladimir Nabokov
Mediocrity
World
Group
" When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. "
Albert Einstein
Sit
Like
You
" I'm like, bursting. I should be working. I don't want to take a break. It's funny, on set, I don't have to go to the bathroom, I don't have anything wrong, I'm perfectly fine, so through-and-through. I'm not hungry. I'm literally not even in my own body. "
Kristen Stewart
Funny
Want
Body
" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "
David Letterman
Talk
Sing
Dance
" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "
Spike Milligan
Sure
Sit
Funny
" Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. "
Rita Ora
Mother
Funny
Good
" 'Pitch Perfect' was my first screenplay, so it was like my little baby. "
Kay Cannon
Perfect
Little
Like
" I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them. "
Anna Held
Flirt
Eyes
Funny
" I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. "
Mickey Rooney
Man
Only
Out
" I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously. "
Cardi B
Music
Person
Take
" Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs. "
Alfred Hitchcock
Television
Home
Funny
" I've seen 'Bring It On,' like, a thousand times. "
Kay Cannon
Times
Thousand
Seen
" The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously. "
Demetri Martin
Actor
Like
Funny
" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "
Josh Billings
Like
Funny
Cologne
" I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. "
Steven Wright
Book
Writing
Numbers
" I was going through a little bit of turbulence in my career. And so, it's funny how turbulence itself will make you hold onto something for security. And so the only thing I knew is trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own heart, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path. "
Emmitt Smith
Heart
Path
Security
" As for our majority... one is enough. "
Benjamin Disraeli
Majority
Our
Enough
" I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together. "
Judy Garland
Life
Humor
Good