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" 'Bridesmaids,' I think, opened up a door to allow women to show a bunch of different women in different ways of being funny. It was kind of like an arrival moment. "

Kay Cannon

Women

Think

Moment

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" I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too. "

" I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. "

" I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican. "

" Isn't it funny how babies laugh a lot? I read a toddler, a young child laughs 300 times a day. The average adult laughs, like, four times a day. God put it in them. He put the laugh in us, but I think sometimes we let life get us down, you know, have bad breaks, and we lose our breaks. "

" Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural. "

" I'm never afraid to try something if I think it's funny. And I know I'll regret it if I don't. "

" There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity. "

" When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. "

Albert Einstein

Sit

You

" I'm like, bursting. I should be working. I don't want to take a break. It's funny, on set, I don't have to go to the bathroom, I don't have anything wrong, I'm perfectly fine, so through-and-through. I'm not hungry. I'm literally not even in my own body. "

" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "

" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "

" Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. "

" 'Pitch Perfect' was my first screenplay, so it was like my little baby. "

Kay Cannon

Perfect

Little

" I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them. "

" I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. "

" I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously. "

" Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs. "

" I've seen 'Bring It On,' like, a thousand times. "

" The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously. "

Demetri Martin

Actor

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" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

Josh Billings

Funny

Cologne

" I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. "

" I was going through a little bit of turbulence in my career. And so, it's funny how turbulence itself will make you hold onto something for security. And so the only thing I knew is trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own heart, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path. "

" As for our majority... one is enough. "

" I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together. "