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" Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. "

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" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "

" A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. "

" Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. "

" Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. "

" Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. "

" Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. "

" The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt. "

" Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 % of them are wrong. "

" If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish. "

" The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable. "

" All government, of course, is against liberty. "

" Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. "

" Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. "

" Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods. "

" Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. "

" Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. "

" We must be willing to pay a price for freedom. "

" Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it. "

" Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. "

" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "

" Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body. "

" Life is a dead-end street. "

" A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them. "

" A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. "

" Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience. "

" One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring. "

" Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. "

" A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "

" To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! "

" It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry. "