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" Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. "
H. L. Mencken
Hands
Flag
Normal
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" Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. "
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" Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince. "
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" If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. "
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" An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. "
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" Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian. "
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" Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. "
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" The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral. "
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" Most people want security in this world, not liberty. "
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" A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. "
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Original
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" The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable. "
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" Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband. "
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Sister
Year
Wife
" God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. "
H. L. Mencken
Afraid
Audience
God
" There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor. "
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Never
" A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there. "
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Heaven
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" Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. "
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Belief
Democracy
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" Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. "
H. L. Mencken
Fear
Be Happy
Someone
" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "
H. L. Mencken
Mother-In-Law
Visit
Never
" War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands. "
H. L. Mencken
World
War
Begin
" The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule. "
H. L. Mencken
False
Save
Humanity
" Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. "
H. L. Mencken
Want
People
Know
" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "
H. L. Mencken
World
Fact
Lies
" Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. "
H. L. Mencken
Government
Ashamed
Man
" It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "
H. L. Mencken
Believe
Average
Ape
" Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. "
H. L. Mencken
Progress
American
Average
" Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon. "
H. L. Mencken
Think
Moon
Write
" Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love. "
H. L. Mencken
Women
Children
Simple
" The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind. "
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Most
True
Occupation
" On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. "
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Reach
White
Heart
" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "
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Place
Lie
" Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. "
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Christ
Superior
Rank