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" A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them. "

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" It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods. "

" For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. "

" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" Honor is simply the morality of superior men. "

" The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. "

" Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. "

" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "

" Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates. "

" We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. "

" Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian. "

" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "

" I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. "

" One of the most mawkish of human delusions is the notion that friendship should be eternal, or, at all events, life-long, and that any act which puts a term to it is somehow discreditable. "

" A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "

" It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. "

" Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking. "

" I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine. "

" The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line. "

" Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. "

" A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. "

" Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago. "

" Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on. "

" Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven. "

" Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it. "

" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "

" All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. "

" Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. "

" Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. "

" In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. "