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" A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. "

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" Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. "

" The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable. "

" A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. "

" Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. "

" If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. "

" For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. "

" In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. "

" Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. "

" As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft. "

" A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them. "

" A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. "

" Honor is simply the morality of superior men. "

" I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time. "

" No matter how long he lives, no man ever becomes as wise as the average woman of forty-eight. "

" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing. "

" In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. "

" Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies. "

" A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. "

" The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor. "

" An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. "

" Every man is his own hell. "

" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "

" A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "

" Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods. "

" Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. "

" Life is a dead-end street. "

" No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man. "

" I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. "

" It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause. "