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" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "
Fran Lebowitz
Watching
Child
Day
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" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "
Fran Lebowitz
Doors
Nature
Comfortable
" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "
Fran Lebowitz
People
Value
Place
" Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. "
Fran Lebowitz
Talk
People
Great
" I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. "
Fran Lebowitz
Take
Adult
Company
" Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. "
Fran Lebowitz
Life Story
Life
Book
" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "
Fran Lebowitz
Sleep
Something
You
" No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. "
Fran Lebowitz
Jump
Animal
Furniture
" I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. "
Fran Lebowitz
Lottery
Your
You
" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "
Fran Lebowitz
Art
Feeling
People
" You're only as good as your last haircut. "
Fran Lebowitz
Funny
Only
You
" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "
Fran Lebowitz
Fact
Children
Most
" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "
Fran Lebowitz
Someone
Reach
Attractive
" If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. "
Fran Lebowitz
Suicide
Words
Speak
" As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. "
Fran Lebowitz
Happy
You
Teen
" Andy Warhol made fame more famous. "
Fran Lebowitz
More
Famous
Made
" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "
Fran Lebowitz
Wonder
Who
Smart
" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "
Fran Lebowitz
Easy
Most
Fun
" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "
Fran Lebowitz
Speech
Freedom
Freedom Of Speech
" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "
Fran Lebowitz
Purpose
Vegetables
Good
" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "
Fran Lebowitz
Democracy
Communism
Capitalism
" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "
Fran Lebowitz
Always
Been
Me
" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "
Fran Lebowitz
Him
Serious
Future
" Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. "
Fran Lebowitz
Like
People
Born
" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "
Fran Lebowitz
Phone
Happy
Be Happy
" Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. "
Fran Lebowitz
Women
Woman
Good
" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "
Fran Lebowitz
Food
You
America
" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "
Fran Lebowitz
Like
Look
Crowd
" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "
Fran Lebowitz
Fall
Romantic
Love Is
" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "
Fran Lebowitz
Back
Rather
Go
" Food is an important part of a balanced diet. "
Fran Lebowitz
Important
Diet
Food