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" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "

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" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "

" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "

" Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. "

" I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. "

" Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. "

" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "

" No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. "

" I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. "

" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "

" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "

" If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. "

" As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. "

" Andy Warhol made fame more famous. "

" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "

" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "

" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "

Freedom Of Speech

" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "

" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "

" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "

" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "

" Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. "

" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "

" Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. "

" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "

" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "

" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "

" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "

" Food is an important part of a balanced diet. "