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" I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. "
Fran Lebowitz
Take
Adult
Company
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" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "
Fran Lebowitz
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" Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. "
Fran Lebowitz
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" Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. "
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" Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. "
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" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "
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" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "
Fran Lebowitz
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New York
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" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "
Fran Lebowitz
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" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "
Fran Lebowitz
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Something
You
" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "
Fran Lebowitz
Him
Serious
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" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "
Fran Lebowitz
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Dance
" Nothing succeeds like address. "
Fran Lebowitz
Nothing
Succeeds
Like
" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "
Fran Lebowitz
Art
Feeling
People
" Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
Fran Lebowitz
Your
You
Life
" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "
Fran Lebowitz
Fact
Children
Most
" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "
Fran Lebowitz
Like
Look
Crowd
" Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. "
Fran Lebowitz
Texas
Calling
Iraq
" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "
Fran Lebowitz
Wonder
Who
Smart
" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "
Fran Lebowitz
Food
You
America
" My favorite animal is steak. "
Fran Lebowitz
Animal
Steak
Favorite
" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "
Fran Lebowitz
News
Talk
Jockey
" I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. "
Fran Lebowitz
Lottery
Your
You
" Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. "
Fran Lebowitz
Talk
People
Great
" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "
Fran Lebowitz
Someone
Reach
Attractive
" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "
Fran Lebowitz
Good
Substitute
Personality
" As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. "
Fran Lebowitz
Happy
You
Teen
" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "
Fran Lebowitz
Always
Been
Me
" No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. "
Fran Lebowitz
Jump
Animal
Furniture
" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "
Fran Lebowitz
Watching
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Day
" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "
Fran Lebowitz
Fall
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" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "
Fran Lebowitz
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