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" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "
Fran Lebowitz
Someone
Reach
Attractive
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" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "
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" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "
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" The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. "
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" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "
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" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "
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" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "
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" If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. "
Fran Lebowitz
Suicide
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" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "
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" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "
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New York
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" Nothing succeeds like address. "
Fran Lebowitz
Nothing
Succeeds
Like
" Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. "
Fran Lebowitz
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Your
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" Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. "
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" Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
Fran Lebowitz
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" My favorite animal is steak. "
Fran Lebowitz
Animal
Steak
Favorite
" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
Fran Lebowitz
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Life
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" Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. "
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People
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" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "
Fran Lebowitz
Good
Substitute
Personality
" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "
Fran Lebowitz
Democracy
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" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "
Fran Lebowitz
Wonder
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" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "
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" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "
Fran Lebowitz
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" Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. "
Fran Lebowitz
Women
Woman
Good
" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "
Fran Lebowitz
Like
Look
Crowd
" No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. "
Fran Lebowitz
Jump
Animal
Furniture
" Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. "
Fran Lebowitz
Texas
Calling
Iraq
" I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. "
Fran Lebowitz
Lottery
Your
You
" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "
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Him
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" I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. "
Fran Lebowitz
Take
Adult
Company
" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "
Fran Lebowitz
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" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "
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