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" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "
Fran Lebowitz
Him
Serious
Future
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" I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. "
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" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "
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" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "
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" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
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" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "
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" Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. "
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" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "
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" No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. "
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" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "
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" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "
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" Andy Warhol made fame more famous. "
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More
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" Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. "
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" Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. "
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" Nothing succeeds like address. "
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" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "
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" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "
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" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "
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Smart
" Polite conversation is rarely either. "
Fran Lebowitz
Conversation
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" Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. "
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" You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do. "
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" You're only as good as your last haircut. "
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" I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. "
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" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "
Fran Lebowitz
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" There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. "
Fran Lebowitz
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" If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. "
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" The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. "
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" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "
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" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "
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" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "
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