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" Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. "

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" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "

" If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. "

" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "

" Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. "

" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "

" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "

Freedom Of Speech

" Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. "

" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "

" As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. "

" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "

" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "

" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "

" Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. "

" I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. "

" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "

" I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. "

" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "

" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "

" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "

" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "

" Andy Warhol made fame more famous. "

" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "

" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. "

" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "

" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "

" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "

" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "

" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "