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" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "

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" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "

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" I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. "

" Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. "

" My favorite animal is steak. "

" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "

" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "

" Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. "

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" Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. "

" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "

" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "

" Food is an important part of a balanced diet. "

" Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "

" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "

" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "

" Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back. "

" Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. "

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" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "

" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "

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" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "

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" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "

" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "

" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "

" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "

" Andy Warhol made fame more famous. "

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" Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. "

" Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. "

" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "

" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "