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" If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. "

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" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "

" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "

" Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. "

" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "

" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "

" There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. "

" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "

" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. "

" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "

" I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. "

" Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. "

" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "

" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "

" My favorite animal is steak. "

" Food is an important part of a balanced diet. "

" No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. "

" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "

" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "

" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "

" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "

" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "

" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "

Freedom Of Speech

" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "

" Polite conversation is rarely either. "

" Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back. "

" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "

" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "