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" Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. "

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" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "

" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "

" Polite conversation is rarely either. "

" Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "

" I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. "

" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "

" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "

" My favorite animal is steak. "

" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "

" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "

" Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. "

" Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. "

" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "

" Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. "

" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "

" As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. "

" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "

" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "

" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "

" Food is an important part of a balanced diet. "

" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "

" Nothing succeeds like address. "

" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "

" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "

Freedom Of Speech

" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "

" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "

" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "