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" Even IBM can't stand in the way of progress... for more than a decade. "

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" When trying to locate something, search your mind first. "

" It's hardware that makes a machine fast. It's software that makes a fast machine slow. "

" Yeah, computers are going to take over the programming business because they have become so fast recently that they can solve the Halting Problem in five seconds flat. "

" Fighting a war on terrorism is like fighting against crime. We can never hope to eradicate crime, so we shouldn't bother fighting it. "

" The world is real. Consciousness is the illusion. "

" The only thing that is obscene is censorship. "

" Organizations like the ACLU fought and won the good fight back in the 1960's, but it's clear that nowadays they've run out of useful things to do since they now spend most of their time defending the scum of the Earth from getting what they rightly deserve. "

" The difference between being able to understand something and inventing it in the first place... is called genius. "

" It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals. "

" Supermarket automatic doors open for me; therefore, I am. "

" Don't judge a book by its thickness either. "

" Never underestimate the power of a simple tool. "

" The people who actually do things always suffer the slings and arrows of those who don't. "

" Live every day as if it is your last, and you'll be correct sooner than you otherwise would be. "

" Things always look better when you haven't seen them. "

" Now is the time for all good men to run like hell. "

" When anarchy is declared, the first thing we do, let's kill all the anarchists. "

The First Thing

" It's easy to idealize someone that you don't know. "

" My to-do list is so long that it doesn't have an end; it has an event horizon. "

" Don't trust anyone who has been in school for the past 24 consecutive years. "

" In order for a man to be truly evil, he must be a woman. "

" The entire universe is working against me. I can't believe the entire universe could be that foolish! "

" Why are people unemployed? Because there is no work. Why is there no work? Because people are not buying products and services. Why are people not buying products and services? Because they have no money. Why do people have no money? Because they are unemployed. "

" Temporary solutions often become permanent problems. "

" It's a bit odd that nobody seems to be using the correct technical term to describe organized Islamic terrorists. They are not a faction of a religion or a social movement. They are a cult. A suicide cult. "

" Nothing surpasses the beauty and elegance of a bad idea. "

" When you talk to yourself, at least you know that someone is listening. "

" When shooting in the dark, it is a good idea to use a machine gun. "

" I think; therefore, I am the center of the universe. "

" If I gave a damn what other people think of me, I would be more like other people. "