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" Forty to 60 I would say is your prime. That's when you know the most, you've seen the most, you understand the most, and you still have some physical energy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Energy
You
Understand
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" You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that. "
Jerry Seinfeld
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Time
" I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything. "
Jerry Seinfeld
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New
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" I don't want to be too critical of what other people do, but when people go back to do the same thing that they did, I'm completely confused. I'm like, 'Didn't you make that movie already?' I've been very fortunate, and I'm well taken care of, so the least I can do is try to go forward. "
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" The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun. "
Jerry Seinfeld
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" As a comedian, I found this thing, this profession, that suits my mind and life force. To drop it to do something else? I just don't get that. "
Jerry Seinfeld
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" Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Color
God
Lipstick
" I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Right
Race
Gender
" To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Live
Me
Movement
" We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Others
Kind
Down
" I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
People
Tell
Ridiculous
" The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Knowing
You
Talk
" I have this old '57 Porsche Speedster, and the way the door closes, I'll just sit there and listen to the sound of the latch going, 'cluh-CLICK-click.' That door! I live for that door. Whatever the opposite of planned obsolescence is, that's what I'm into. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Live
Listen
Sound
" You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' "
Jerry Seinfeld
See
Birthday
Cake
" The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Write
Thought
Car
" My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Theory
Human
Time
" Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Road
Death
Only
" Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Back
You
Attention
" It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. "
Jerry Seinfeld
World
Amazing
Every Day
" Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Smoke
Water
Chess
" For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that's a legitimate item you have there. For me, it's nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It's just not what I'm in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Search
Laugh
You
" It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Enjoy
Time
Love
" That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
True
Spirit
Me
" I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Need
Entertained
You
" People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Who
Deserve
Lied
" Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Comedy
Wife
Essence
" A lot of stuff I do out of pure obsessiveness. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Stuff
Lot
Out
" Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Traveled
Road
Less
" Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Men
Care
Only
" If you're a surfer, you just want to surf. You don't know if anyone's going to see you, and you don't really care if they see you. You just live for that feeling. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Care
Know
Live
" When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Good
Fun