Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun. "

Related Quotes:

" When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you're a guest in someone's face. So that's why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and attractive, because I know that I'm in your face. "

" The Internet offers opportunities that are more unique than ever before. With TV, I know I'm making 22 minutes; I know there's a commercial in the middle. With the Internet, no one knows anything. No rules. "

" There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. "

" Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. "

" If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years. "

" When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it. "

" Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. "

" Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box. "

" We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup. "

" People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to. "

" Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me. "

" We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment. "

" I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. "

" The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That's why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, 'Bye!' "

" I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me. "

" To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving. "

" Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. "

" Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner. "

" The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say. "

" I have this old '57 Porsche Speedster, and the way the door closes, I'll just sit there and listen to the sound of the latch going, 'cluh-CLICK-click.' That door! I live for that door. Whatever the opposite of planned obsolescence is, that's what I'm into. "

" That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. "

" If you're a surfer, you just want to surf. You don't know if anyone's going to see you, and you don't really care if they see you. You just live for that feeling. "

" I love being a dad. I just love it. "

" Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. "

" It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it. "

" There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.' "

" I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new stuff all the time. "

" My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time. "

" When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy. "

" Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us. "