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" Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day. "

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" As I get older, I just prefer to knit. "

" I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. "

Robert Benchley

" You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else. "

" I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. "

" Fencing is a funny sport. Competitive fencing is not really very applicable to the stage world unless you're fighting with a rapier during the Renaissance, you know? "

Kris Holden-Ried

" I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny. "

" To all the girls out there who think being funny is not sexy, you are wrong! "

Chad Michael Murray

" Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. "

Laurence J. Peter

" I know my spirit is not mean, and I have a very good spirit and a funny spirit. "

" Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. "

" Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses. "

" My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. "

" One picture is worth 1,000 denials. "

Picture Is Worth

" I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "

" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "

" I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny. "

Mary-Kate Olsen

" I have a nice following in Boston. The Boston crowd is very hip. "

" Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. "

" In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. "

" I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. "

Hillary Clinton

" All women like to look up to their men. "

" I have my Lucky Charms in the morning, and I feel magical. "

" People say funny things all the time during really serious moments in life. "

" Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. "

" You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. "

Garry Shandling

" I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. "

" Martin Lawrence is one of my comedic heroes, and he's a genius. "

" I'm a big, big movie fan. I watch 'The Ten Commandments' and the original 'Planet of the Apes' every night. "

" Viral videos aren't just about being funny. They're about identity creation. "

" Parents should support and love their kids no matter what. "