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" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "
Larry David
Would
Golfer
Miserable
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" I'm not quite as anonymous as I was. "
Larry David
Quite
Anonymous
" I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges. "
Larry David
Person
World
Running
" When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless. "
Larry David
New York
Think
Homeless
" If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny. "
Larry David
Truth
Tell
How
" I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through. "
Larry David
Think
Imagine
People
" Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate. "
Larry David
Eat
Fight
Fighting
" When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that. "
Larry David
Life
My Life
New York
" I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently. "
Larry David
Life
My Life
Now
" Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens. "
Larry David
Name
Moving
Back
" I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there. "
Larry David
Steps
Right
Place
" I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out. "
Larry David
Planning
Homeless
Good
" The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch. "
Larry David
American
Lunch
Me
" I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian. "
Larry David
Not Interested
Living
Money
" I just feed off the energy of the audience. "
Larry David
Feed
Off
Just
" I don't like people cleaning my room. "
Larry David
Room
People
Like
" OK, I'm happy. I'm happy. All right? I'm happy. "
Larry David
OK
Right
Happy
" It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time. "
Larry David
Walking
Think
People
" The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it. "
Larry David
You
Time
Situation
" There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable! "
Larry David
Nothing
Me
Reflects
" Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. "
Larry David
Started
Doing
Bleak
" It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically. "
Larry David
Happened
Always
Good
" I have no secrets. "
Larry David
Secrets
" Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself. "
Larry David
Think
Religion
Myself
" I'm anti-cheese in a salad. "
Larry David
Salad
" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "
Larry David
Look
Glamorous
Mirror
" I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big. "
Larry David
Small Things
Small
Pretty
" Let's not forget, I got divorced. "
Larry David
Divorced
Got
Forget
" My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time. "
Larry David
Walking
Time
My Life
" I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh. "
Larry David
Laugh
Lonely
Think
" I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people. "
Larry David
Tolerate
Like
People