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" I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. "

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" If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny. "

" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "

" I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write. "

" Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens. "

" Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate. "

" My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver. "

" There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable! "

" If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not? "

" Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for. "

" I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it. "

" I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure. "

" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "

" People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue. "

" I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me. "

" When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. "

" Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me. "

" I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide. "

" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "

" I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic. "

" I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me. "

" I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab. "

" I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous. "

" I have no secrets. "

" I have reservations about everything I do. "

" I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people. "

" I'm not quite as anonymous as I was. "

" Golf and dating don't mix. "

" Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. "

" At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. "

" Most people think I'm immodest. "