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" You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. "

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" You write about what you know. "

" I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab. "

" I'm cranky. "

" I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it. "

" There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation. "

" I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized. "

" I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted. "

" Whenever something good happens to me, it's usually followed by something terrible. "

" Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over. "

" I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me. "

" Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for. "

" Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base. "

" Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens. "

" Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on! "

" Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married! "

" I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through. "

" You know, I'm really not that bright. "

" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "

" Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline. "

" I can't stand reading anything that I've said. "

" Most people think I'm immodest. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. "

" I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood. "

" There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out. "

" Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally. "

" I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore. "

" I don't like to say anything good. I feel like I'll jinx myself. "

" Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish. "

" It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy. "

" I am not honest. "