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" Women love a self-confident bald man. "
Larry David
Love
Man
Bald
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" When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless. "
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" No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all. "
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" I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out. "
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" I have no secrets. "
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" I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic. "
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" And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me. "
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" When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that. "
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" If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away. "
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" I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people. "
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" You know, I'm really not that bright. "
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" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "
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" I'm anti-cheese in a salad. "
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" I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am. "
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" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "
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" Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on! "
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" I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh. "
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" I don't have many friends. "
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" Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. "
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Confident
Your
Bald
" At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. "
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" Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis. "
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" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "
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Birds
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" I'm still driving a Prius, yeah. "
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" I'm cranky. "
Larry David
Cranky
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People
Like
" I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me. "
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Never
Someone
Thought
" Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then. "
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" I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me. "
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" Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base. "
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Dating
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