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" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "

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" I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. "

" The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed. "

" If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny. "

" I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through. "

" When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. "

" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "

" Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. "

" I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic. "

" Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens. "

" I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure. "

" My background is degradation and sloth, mostly. "

" I have no secrets. "

" Drugs scared me. "

" It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas. "

" I have reservations about everything I do. "

" Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate. "

" If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away. "

" You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. "

" I am not honest. "

" I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.' "

" If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not? "

" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "

" I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide. "

" I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh. "

" You write about what you know. "

" Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy. "

Self-Confidence