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" I don't have a brother in real life. "

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" When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. "

" I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. "

" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "

" Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'. "

" If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are. "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "

" It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive. "

" Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. "

" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

" I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're going to be taken through. "

" I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out. "

" I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do. "

" When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore. "

" There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.' "

" I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum. "

" The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to. "

" To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction. "

" If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye. "

" Everything that people say is testable. "

" I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "

" It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen. "

" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "

" Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it. "

" America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" I'm enjoying the work while I get it right now. "

" I like all ladies of all different ages. "