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" I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is. "

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" I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. "

" The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. "

" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "

" If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are. "

" There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.' "

" I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward. "

" Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue. "

" Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing. "

" I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know? "

" I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' "

" I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're going to be taken through. "

" I could never sit down and write jokes. "

" It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. "

" I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head. "

" I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. "

" There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?' "

" You can't direct without a good crew. "

" I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at. "

" I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system. "

" Everything that people say is testable. "

" Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on. "

" I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up. "

" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

" Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff. "

" Life is full of horrible mistakes. "

" A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody. "

" You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented. "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.' "

" I love comedians. They're my community. "