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" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

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" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.' "

" I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. "

" I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. "

" I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. "

" When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.' "

" Life is full of horrible mistakes. "

" I like all ladies of all different ages. "

" Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff. "

" I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "

" I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum. "

" I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system. "

" It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen. "

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. "

" When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep. "

" There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it. "

" I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head. "

" The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. "

" I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're going to be taken through. "

" Perception is created and twisted so quickly. "

" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "

" I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up. "

" Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. "

" There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?' "

" My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. "

" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "

" To me, art supplies are always okay to buy. "