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" Everything that people say is testable. "

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" I love comedians. They're my community. "

" You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' "

" I would rather be with my kids than anybody else. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head. "

" I was an awkward kid. "

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're going to be taken through. "

" My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes. "

" Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it. "

" When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. "

" There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.' "

" There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it. "

" A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction. "

" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. "

" Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much. "

" I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed. "

" When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore. "

" Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people. "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me. "

" I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from. "

" I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at. "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out. "