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" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "

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" The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. "

" Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them. "

" I would rather be with my kids than anybody else. "

" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

" Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything's going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, 'Hey, you really are screwing this up,' and then they just get better. "

" There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.' "

" I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?' "

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up. "

" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "

" I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "

" To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction. "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know? "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" Perception is created and twisted so quickly. "

" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

" Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. "

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness. "

" If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it. "

" A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody. "

" Oh, I love stand-up. "

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing. "

" My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. "

" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "