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" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "

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" I was an awkward kid. "

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

" I love comedians. They're my community. "

" The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. "

" If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it. "

" You can't direct without a good crew. "

" Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on. "

" When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore. "

" Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything's going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, 'Hey, you really are screwing this up,' and then they just get better. "

" It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. "

" Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'. "

" Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "

" I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. "

" Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue. "

" I could never sit down and write jokes. "

" You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented. "

" It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. "

" I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk. "

" When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes. "

" I don't have a brother in real life. "

" Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them. "

" Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. "

" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

" There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.' "

" For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money. "

" I like all ladies of all different ages. "

" I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?' "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "