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" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

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" You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore. "

" I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from. "

" Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much. "

" It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. "

" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "

" A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. "

" There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it. "

" America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out. "

" A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" I've always loved boxing. It's something I've always been extremely excited about. "

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen. "

" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "

" If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. "

" I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is. "

" Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff. "

" When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act.' "

" For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money. "

" I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. "

" I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do. "

" My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. "

" I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' "

" I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system. "

" To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction. "