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" I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense. "

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" I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk. "

" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "

" Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. "

" Time stays, we go. "

" In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one. "

" One of the most mawkish of human delusions is the notion that friendship should be eternal, or, at all events, life-long, and that any act which puts a term to it is somehow discreditable. "

" Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed. "

" A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. "

" If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish. "

" There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good. "

" Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. "

" All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. "

" I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing. "

" In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. "

" It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man. "

" In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. "

" Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. "

" As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft. "

" Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself. "

" To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess. "

" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands. "

" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "

" Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian. "

" One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring. "

" Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on. "

" There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible, and wrong. "

" We must be willing to pay a price for freedom. "

" Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon. "

" The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. "