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" In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one. "

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" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. "

" The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore. "

" In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. "

" One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring. "

" On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. "

" What men value in this world is not rights but privileges. "

" As a former veteran, I understand the needs of veterans, and have been clear - we will work together, stand together with the Administration, but we will also question their policies when they shortchange veterans and military retirees. "

" Honor is simply the morality of superior men. "

" The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. "

" For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. "

" A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them. "

" I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. "

" If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. "

" Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. "

" It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods. "

" The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil. "

" Live as brave men; and if fortune is adverse, front its blows with brave hearts. "

Marcus Tullius Cicero

" Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. "

" The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line. "

" I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine. "

" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "

" There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible, and wrong. "

" I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant. "

" Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest. "

" An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. "

" Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage. "

" Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it. "

" The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable. "

" It is not materialism that is the chief curse of the world, as pastors teach, but idealism. Men get into trouble by taking their visions and hallucinations too seriously. "