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" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "

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" Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse. "

" It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man. "

" Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. "

" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant. "

" Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. "

" I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. "

" Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. "

" Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. "

" Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good. "

" Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. "

" When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before. "

" Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. "

" In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one. "

" The cynics are right nine times out of ten. "

" An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. "

" I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense. "

" Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. "

" A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. "

" Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing. "

" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "

" Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience. "

" Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body. "

" Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. "

" In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. "

" A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "

" Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon. "

" Adultery is the application of democracy to love. "

" The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression. "

" Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself. "