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" There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible, and wrong. "

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" A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. "

" Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago. "

" Most people want security in this world, not liberty. "

" Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. "

" To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! "

" A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman. "

" Honor is simply the morality of superior men. "

" A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. "

" The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. "

" Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age. "

" Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them. "

" Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself. "

" The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule. "

" Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. "

" Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. "

" It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. "

" No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. "

" A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. "

" I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense. "

" Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. "

" Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil. "

" God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. "

" Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking. "

" I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant. "

" Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it. "

" The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression. "

" The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line. "

" Time stays, we go. "

" When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before. "

" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "