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" Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on. "

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" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "

" A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. "

" Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good. "

" No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not. "

" Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time. "

" No matter how long he lives, no man ever becomes as wise as the average woman of forty-eight. "

" Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. "

" The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety. "

" Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. "

" Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. "

" We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. "

" Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. "

" No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man. "

" Honor is simply the morality of superior men. "

" Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. "

" The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule. "

" The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. "

" Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil. "

" Adultery is the application of democracy to love. "

" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "

" Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates. "

" Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. "

" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. "

" Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed. "

" Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing. "

" It is not materialism that is the chief curse of the world, as pastors teach, but idealism. Men get into trouble by taking their visions and hallucinations too seriously. "

" The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind. "

" I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them. "

" No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. "