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" It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man. "

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" It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry. "

" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "

" Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago. "

" Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. "

" Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. "

" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates. "

" Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. "

" A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. "

" Life is a dead-end street. "

" In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. "

" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "

" The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. "

" We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. "

" For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. "

" The cynics are right nine times out of ten. "

" Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age. "

" Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. "

" The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil. "

" We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. "

" When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before. "

" Time stays, we go. "

" I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. "

" A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. "

" As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft. "

" If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish. "

" There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good. "

" It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. "

" It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause. "

" Judge: a law student who marks his own examination-papers. "