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" In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. "

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" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "

" Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince. "

" There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor. "

" In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one. "

" A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. "

" Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself. "

" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "

" It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause. "

" We must be willing to pay a price for freedom. "

" All government, of course, is against liberty. "

" Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven. "

" As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft. "

" Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. "

" A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. "

" The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression. "

" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "

" The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. "

" Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience. "

" To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! "

" The cynics are right nine times out of ten. "

" What men value in this world is not rights but privileges. "

" It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. "

" The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. "

" A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank. "

" The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore. "

" Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. "

" Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. "

" Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband. "

" Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage. "

" Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods. "